CHAPTER ONE
A RIPPLE IN THE VOID
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1/2/2000; 5:19AM
From: The Game Master [krtkuzba@execpc.com]

Once upon an Electronic Bulletin Board System,
there was a message area devoted to a Role Playing Game.
The Game Operator, or Game Master, disappeared mysteriously,
leaving the players to their own devices, with no game to play.
And so it begins...
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12/21/91; 12:43PM
From: Brass Orchid [3]

We could always play without him. All the GM 
does is provide structure and coherence to the game.
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12/21/91; 10:39PM
From: L. S. Creetor [62]

I'll take my bastard sword and stab the Ultimate 
Reality in the gut.
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12/22/91; 5:08AM
From: Brass Orchid [3]

The Ultimate Reality suffers 120 HP's damage and 
falls, semiconcious, to the ground, muttering, "That
Bastard sure knows how to hurt a guy."
L. S. Creetor collects 20 Exp. Points and finds
the Medallion of Adaptation.
Suddenly, the sky splits open and a stairway to
the stars appears. Branches off of the main stairway can
be seen, dwindling into the distance.
Your move...
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12/24/91; 10:44PM
From: L. S. Creetor [62]

I use the Medallion of Adaptation to convert it 
to a Medallion of Adoption and give it to a family that
has been looking to have kids but can't due to medical
reasons.
I will then use the heavenly signs to cast a
Summon Metallic Dirigible spell and wait for my
aforementioned heavy metal airship to carry me away or
for a poinsettia named Bob to appear.
L.S. Creetor.
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12/26/91; 7:25AM
From: Brass Orchid [3]

The family getting the Medallion of Adoption 
lives a full and happy life.
A Metallic Dirigible appears. At the helm is a
poinsettia named Bob.
(It insists, though, on being called Captain Robert.)
The airship tethers to the stairway and lowers a
rope ladder. Your cat eats half of Captain Robert and
falls into a coma. (Captain Robert likes the cat
because they are both only half there.)
In the distance, a thundering herd of pickles
heads your way, raising huge clouds of dust and obscuring
the horizon.
Captain Robert says, "We better get moving if we're gonna
beat that dust cloud."
Your move...
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12/27/91; 12:36AM
From: L. S. Creetor [62]

I order a hot chocolate from the stewardess, er, 
cabin attendant named Arlene, shaken, not stirred, and
tell Captain Robert to take us to the local K-Mart so
that I can buy a Blender +1, +3 When Beating Dust Clouds,
and a bottle of Heet. While in the store, I want to look
for anyone Jewish. We could use a rabbi to bless the
pickles and make them Kosher dills.
L.S. Creetor.
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12/27/91; 5:32PM
From: Brass Orchid [3]

The dirigible heads for the K-Mart and tethers to 
the electric horsie right out front, convenient to the
door, barely beating out the dust storm from the
rampaging pickles.
There is a Rabbi on the horsie, and he blesses
the pickles, who, being Kosher now, suddenly feel guilty
and disperse. Arlene drinks your bottle of Heet, and you
have to buy another. You gain 53 experience points. You
now have the +3 blender and the bottle of Heet and $79.95
(American).
While you were shopping, Arlene, who accompanied
you into the store, slipped a tin of smoked salmon
flavored M&M's into your pocket. As you're leaving the
store, you find yourself pursued by store security.
You are faced by 4 level 5 rent-a-cops.
Captain Robert is frantically motioning for you
to make a run for it.
The Rabbi is talking to a group of midget dills,
directly in your path to the airship.
The horsie has stopped moving.
Your move...
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12/29/91; 1:26AM
From: L. S. Creetor [62]

I jump on the horsie with Arlene right behind me 
and insert seventy five cents for good measure, giving
Captain Robert the international hand signal for tractor
beam. I then pour the M&M's into the blender and push
button six, Experimental Death Blossom, after, of course,
heeding Arlene's warning to wait until the rent-a-cops
are in death blossom range.
L.S. Creetor.
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12/29/91; 8:24AM
From: Brass Orchid [3]

The blender pours forth a noxious spume of 
blossoming death, just before the tractor beam hits you,
pulling you, Arleen, the Rabbi, and the horsie on board
the airship, along with the ground end of the tether.
The rent-a-cops fall, choking and gasping to the ground,
until they realize that the death blossom is really
M&M's, by which time it is too late, and they stand and
watch the dirigable soar upward.
You start to get off the horsie and rush to the
control room, but the Rabbi shushes you and says, "Wait
til the horsie stops. Waste not, want not."
You have the blender and the bottle of Heet.
You gained 575 Experience points by defeating the
rent-a-cops.
Your airship is drifting Westward toward the
foothills of the Wal-Mart Mountains.
Your move...
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12/29/91; 11:34PM
From: L. S. Creetor [62]

I will wait until the horsie stops and then go to 
the control room with whomever accompanies me, and wait
until we reach the Wal-Mart Mountains.
L.S. Creetor.
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12/30/91; 1:50PM
From: Nightwatcher [1]

Being a brave a foolish sort, I'll venture 
forth. Not able to wax nearly so eloquent as my
companion, I'll just tag along so to speak.
GM, tell me what I have with me. (I'd hate to be
found cheating!)
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12/30/91; 10:53PM
From: Flint Fireforge [159]

I think I'll pop out of my kosher dill pickle 
disguise and tip the Lone Ranger for the ride while
shaking hands with the Wizard of Oz. I'll join you!
I have a Wal-Mart coupon booklet!! HEY! WAIT UP!!!
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01/05/92; 5:53AM
From: Brass Orchid [3]

Two innocent bystanders are swept up in the 
tractor beam and taken on board the airship.
Nightwatcher is carrying $52.28 and a K-mart bag
containing a distributor cap, spark plugs, a mixing bowl,
an electric wok and a pair of socks.
Flint is carrying $34.73, a kosher dill costume
and a K-mart bag containing two large Hershey Symphony
bars, a submarine sandwich, a flashlight with alkaline
batteries, a 3-pak of bath soap, a package of toilet
tissue and a paperback novel entitled Crude Lust.
The horsie has stopped. The Rabbi pulls out a
peso and puts it into the horsie, which then sprouts
wings and flies away, trailing kosher dills and snapping
the tether line, still attached. As the Rabbi flies
away, he shouts over his shoulder, "Seek the Orb of
Phlegm if you hope to survive!"
An announcement comes over the PA system. "This
is your captain speaking. We are cruising at an altitude
of 300 feet. We will shortly be reaching the Wal-Mart
Mountains. If you look out your window to the left, you
will see the Cola river. Please extinguish all smoking
materials and return to an upright position."
Your move...
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Date: 01/05/92; 9:27PM
From: Flint Fireforge [159]

I'll pull out my Go-Go-Gadget Straw and take a 
few swigs out of the river. Then I'll shoot the
energizer bunny that keeps trying to replace my
flashlight batteries.
I wave bye-bye to the Rabbi and throw him the
pickle costume, (or I try to anyway), then I get on my
Go-Go-Gadget Intergalactic T.V. and sit and watch a
fantasy version of a Green Bay Packer movie titled
"So, You Want to Win a Game?".
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Date: 01/06/92; 1:51AM
From: L. S. Creetor [62]

I introduce myself to the newcomers, and return 
all seats to an upright position. Then I take the nearby
chubs and sausage and throw them in the cola river to
extinguish them. Then I flip through my Almanac of
Ficticious Facts to find out if the Wal Mart Mountains
are actually less than three hundred feet high. If they
aren't, I find religion and begin praying to the mighty
Shan, god of the blue sky.
L.S. Creetor.
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Date: 01/06/92; 2:19PM
From: Brass Orchid [3]

Unfortunately, the Go-Go-Gadget items have all 
been confiscated by Arlene. You are forced to watch the
inflight movie, Bat on a Hot Fudge Sundae, starring Norris
Nay and Wrong Gong Silver, and produced by F. Russ
Trashun. (with Ronald Reagan as the Beaver...!)
Although the WalMart mountains extend 15,000 feet
skywards, your destination is a small aerodrome in the
foothills. From there, roads lead to the East, West and
North. Captain Robert can take you no further West due
to the mountains ahead. The only way west is through the
Dhamer Pass. (brrrrr...)
Arlene mentions that she saw the Sacred Orb of
Phlegm once when on vacation. The way to the Orb is
Westward. Fortunately, Flint's book of Walmart coupons
will gain you passage on the Deviant Express, westbound.
One way only. Arlene, unless someone assumes her
character, will remain on the airship when it departs.
After Arlene attaches a new tether line, you dock
uneventfully at the aerodrome. Your cat decides to stay
on board. There is a concessions stand serving Hotdogs
of Dubious Origins and Tequila Sunrises at the aerodrome.
It is a twenty minute walk to the train station,
or you may hire a taxi for $8.95 to drive you there.
Hotdogs cost $1.75, Sunrises $2.90...
Your move...
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